The Main Reasons Why People Hate Introverted Black Women

Do not let anyone gaslight you about the hatred spewed towards introverted Black women and girls. The hatred is real. However, I do not think simply tweeting “Society hates introverted Black women!” is a productive conversation. It is more beneficial to explain why introverted Black women are disliked than to keep repeating the same talking point over and over again. Below, I have listed the three main reasons why I think people detest introverted Black women.

1. Introverted Black women do not match the stereotypical image people hold of Black women. 

In the media, Black women are portrayed as extroverts, more specifically, extroverts who love being sassy, loud, and bold. Where does that leave reserved introverted Black women? Well, it leaves us ostracized. Introverted Black women force people to reassess the misogynoiristic views they hold about Black women. Our introversion causes frustration among ignorant individuals because it makes them recognize our humanity, and that is not something people want to do. People need to feel justified in their hatred of Black women, so they falsely claim that we are all “too loud and obnoxious” but the mere presence of an introverted Black woman highlights their hypocrisy. We are the Black women that racists cannot make examples out of. 

If you are a Black woman who is conventionally attractive and introverted,  you might have noticed the entitlement both men and women of every race feel towards your body. Attractive Black women have the jezebel archetype forced upon them. Their bodies are deemed public property to consume. Society demands that all attractive Black women put their sexuality out on display. When an attractive introverted Black woman refuses to comply with these demands, the entitlement really comes out. How dare you not shake your ass for me? How dare you be a prude? How dare you not be my personal jezebel? That is what both men and women are thinking when they see an attractive introverted Black woman minding her business. They feel entitled to her body, her sexuality, and her romantic attention. 

You might have also noticed that nonBlack women are allowed the luxury of being introverted. No, this is not your mind playing a trick on you. Society allows nonBlack women to be introverted while demonizing introverted Black women. Why? Well, as I stated before, being a non-stereotypical Black woman forces others to recognize the humanity of Black women that they do not want to recognize. Introverted Asian women are uplifted because they fit neatly into the “submissive Asian girl” stereotype. Latinas are allowed to be introverted despite there being a “feisty Latina” stereotype, because a part of that stereotype still involves Latinas being submissive and knowing when to be quiet when they are supposed to be. White women, however, have no stereotypes about being introverted. So why do they get to be introverted in peace? That is because they get to be seen as individuals. White women are not viewed as a monolith. Their humanity is recognized. They are not held accountable for the bad things that one singular white woman does. This is why even though most porn stars are white, you rarely hear men call white women hypersexual. Men are able to separate the “good” nonBlack women from the “bad” ones. They are magically able to have nuance when it comes to nonBlack women. Being attacked for being an introvert is a uniquely Black female experience. Males refuse to acknowledge the diversity of personalities that a Black woman can have. That is a deliberate choice they make to justify their misogynoir. 

Now, you would think being the opposite of a negative stereotype (the loud obnoxious Black woman) would bring others great joy, but it does not. Introverted Black women cannot be made into an example. We cannot be used to justify misogynoir. Our introversion is seen as feminine, and being a feminine woman is viewed as a positive thing in society. This really upsets people, because they want to feel justified in their hatred of Black women. They do not believe that we, as Black women, deserve to be soft, reserved, and quiet. This is the same reasoning behind why people hate on Black women that love being girly or feminine. Men, including Black men, do not like Black women having access to certain personalities or aesthetics they believe should only be reserved for the nonBlack women they date. NonBlack women and stereotypical Black women get angry when Black women exist outside of the confines society has set up for us and exude femininity even better than they can. People desperately want to use Black women as an example of how not to be a woman, but introverted Black women prevent them from doing so. That is where a major source of anger towards introverted Black women comes from. 

2. Black women are expected to be the mules of society but being introverted interrupts that narrative. 

I often joke that even when Black women are unemployed, we still have an unpaid job, the expectation that we be society’s mules. The world at large has been fed insidious messages from Hollywood since they were little children that tell them a Black woman’s sole purpose in life is to neglect her own mental and physical well being in order for society to progress. Introverted Black women obstruct this portrayal of Black women and that leaves a lot of people feeling uncomfortable. To be someone’s mule requires a certain level of extroversion that introverted Black women just do not have. The majority of introverted Black women I come across, including myself, are apolitical and not interested in muling for other demographics. This is a key detail that is often left out when people discuss the rage that introverted Black women ignite within others. Introverted Black women want to be left alone. We do not want war. We want peace, quiet, and a new Netflix show to binge. The last thing on our minds is putting ourselves on the frontlines for any social justice movement.

When people tell introverted Black women: “I thought you were mean when I first met you!”, they do not actually believe this statement. These individuals never once thought for a second that a quiet, reserved Black woman was mean. What they actually want to say is that you, a Black woman, failed to fulfill your duty as their protector, their sidekick, or their personal social justice activist. Our job is to be entertaining, to make others comfortable, but our introversion prevents us from doing that. Introverted Black women fail to live up to the social category of mule projected onto us by simpleminded individuals, and for that, we are despised. 

3. Black people view introversion as a betrayal of Blackness.

One of my mutuals on Twitter (@notawethang) pointed out to me that many Black people view Blackness as a cult. I refer to these individuals as Black cultists. When it comes to cults, you are either a part of the in-group or an outsider that deserves to be shunned. Black cultists believe women of African descent should only conform to a set of behaviors that they personally view as being “authentically Black”. Examples of these behaviors include being extroverted, rebels without a cause, or displaying antisocial attitudes towards other Black people.

When a Black woman refuses to participate in the groupthink found within the Black cult, sorry, I mean Black community, they are accused of rejecting their Blackness entirely. Introverted Black women are despised by the Black community, but more specifically by Black cultists, for the same reasons skinny Black women are hated. If Black cultists view extroversion or having a big bum as characteristics that make a Black female “authentically Black”, then being an introverted or skinny Black woman makes one fall outside of the cult’s views of what is deemed authentically Black. 

This is why you frequently hear Black people accuse introverted Black women of being uppity. “She thinks she is better than us!” is a common belief Black cultists hold of introverted Black women. They see the rejection of extroversion as a rejection of Blackness itself. They think introverted Black women believe they are too good to be Black. This makes introverted Black women betrayers of the cult of Blackness. They view such women as outsiders who deserve to be publicly shamed. Remember, cults rarely let their members leave. Instead, Black cultists seek to bully introverted Black women into conformity through insults and harassment. 

If you are an introverted Black woman reading this blog post, continue to be soft, reserved and introverted. Continue to piss everybody off. Continue to destroy society’s preconceived notions on how they believe a Black woman should behave. Being introverted is a revolutionary act as a Black female. There is power in the soft femininity from which introversion is born. There is significant power in being an introverted Black woman and we need to learn how to weaponize this power more efficiently.